Being a Young Adult cancer survivor is a precarious thing. It's not what I would imagine being an older survivor would be because it seems more accepted that older folks may have faced this disease. Nor do I think it is anything like being a childhood survivor where you may not remember your journey as you age. Being a young adult survivor really displaces you in the social world.
Going through my classes this semester, I have begun to notice the changes in social aspects of my life and thinking about why things may have changed. At a time where it's natural for high school friends to start falling away and new relationships to start forming, I find myself wondering if this process of breaking away from my past friends is accelerated because of my cancer experience. I don't find myself quite relating to those I used to associate myself with, but that could also be because I go to a completely different school than most of them. See? It's hard to figure out!
I'm sure I'm not the only one feeling a disconnect with my past, and it doesn't help that I now have to still deal with all the effects of cancer post-treatment. It's just a very confusing time right now. I feel so confident and so lost at the same time and it's difficult to make sense of who I am right now.
I guess what I'm saying is not only am I distancing from my past social life, but it seems as though I'm disconnected from myself. And that's hard to deal with sometimes.
*I apologize for the rant like post. Sometimes you just have to free write and get it all out there.