Friday, December 30, 2011


Being a Young Adult cancer survivor is a precarious thing. It's not what I would imagine being an older survivor would be because it seems more accepted that older folks may have faced this disease. Nor do I think it is anything like being a childhood survivor where you may not remember your journey as you age. Being a young adult survivor really displaces you in the social world.

Going through my classes this semester, I have begun to notice the changes in social aspects of my life and thinking about why things may have changed. At a time where it's natural for high school friends to start falling away and new relationships to start forming, I find myself wondering if this process of breaking away from my past friends is accelerated because of my cancer experience. I don't find myself quite relating to those I used to associate myself with, but that could also be because I go to a completely different school than most of them. See? It's hard to figure out!

I'm sure I'm not the only one feeling a disconnect with my past, and it doesn't help that I now have to still deal with all the effects of cancer post-treatment. It's just a very confusing time right now. I feel so confident and so lost at the same time and it's difficult to make sense of who I am right now.

I guess what I'm saying is not only am I distancing from my past social life, but it seems as though I'm disconnected from myself. And that's hard to deal with sometimes.

*I apologize for the rant like post. Sometimes you just have to free write and get it all out there.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Cancer is a Bitch, yet again.

I think life is constantly reminding me that it isn't fair. It's hard to say the last time I was happy with life for an extended period of time. It seems as though I just recently let go of cancer, I came to full terms with it and accepted that it did happen to me. I learned from it. It changed my life and I was grateful for those changes.

A few months go by and I am happy, but apparently, life wants to kick me down yet again and remind me that its not all puppies and roses. I'm such an optimist that sometimes I forget how crappy it is out there.

Now, I can't say anything for sure on the matter, but it seems as though [someone very close to me] may have the same thing I had last year. It COULD BE NOTHING, but you should always 'expect the best, prepare for the worst'.

So what if it IS Hodgkin's? well, shits gonna hit the fan for awhile, but I will be there for him, along every step. He will get through it, and hopefully a little better off than I.

But what if it isn't? Thank goodness. I would see this scare as a reminder not to get caught up in the world and to remember who it is I am, as well as why I am here.

For now, I play the waiting game until I hear what is really going on. I am keeping my fingers crossed and hoping for the best.

Just remember, cancer doesn't discriminate. I hope you never have to go through it, but tomorrow it could be you or a loved one. SO PLEASE, live a life full of love and happiness to the best of your ability. We aren't here for long, don't waste the little time you do have.